asta imi doream de ziua copilului.
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luni, 2 iunie 2008
marți, 20 mai 2008
cum sa agati barbati, ghid teoretic
Multe fete triste ajung la mine pe blog cautand cuvintele " cum sa agati barbati".
M-am gandit sa le ajut, si sa le curm suferinta, invatandu-le trucurile secrete de seducere a masculului. Aceste trucuri sunt vechi de mii de ani si au un succes garantat, indiferent de situatie.
Din pacate, nu cunosc aceste trucuri pentru ca ele sunt secrete. In concuzie, o sa va dau niste sfaturi de bun simt.
Ca in orice lucrare la nivel de clasa a VI-a, plecam de la definitie.
bărbát (-ţi), s.m. – 1. Om adult. – 2. Persoană de sex masculin. – 3. Om însurat, bărbat, soţ. 4. (Adj.) Energic, curajos, viguros.
Acum, ca ati aflat ce e ala un barbat, sa mergem mai departe la metodele de agatat.
1.Ca sa agati un barbat oarecare, trebuie sa fii frumoasa si desteapta. Ca sa agati un barbat adevarat, trebuie sa fii superba si geniala. Daca nu esti, poti sa te prefaci.
2. Nu incerca sa-l agati pe Fat Frumos daca tu esti broscuta cea urata! Asta se intampla doar in povesti. You must always know where you are.
3. Stai pe loc! O tinta in miscare e mai greu de ochit.
4. Fixeaza-l cu privirea! Daca nu-ti reuseste, incearca sa folosesti Poxipol. Lasand seriozitatea la o parte, nu trebuie sa te uiti la el prea insistent. Risti sa il sperii si sa plece.
5. Nu folosi texte ieftine!
6. Nu te freca de ei inainte sa-i cunosti! Barbatii sunt ca niste fluturi. Daca le iei polenul de pe aripi, n-or sa mai poata zbura.
7. Nu te machia ca un cur!
8. Nu incerca sa mimezi interesul pentru fotbal, masini, sau orice alte treburi barbatesti! Barbatii il vor percepe ca o intruziune in spatiul lor privat.
9. Spala-te! In afara de pescari, toti barbatii iti vor aprecia gestul.
10. Nu te sinucide! Daca un barbat te refuza, inseamna ca nu te merita. Tu esti mare,tu esti tare, tu poti, tu o sa reusesti, tu ai, tu, tu, tu!
11. Agatatul se invata prin exercitiu. De fiecare data cand ai ocazia, incearca sa agati un barbat.
M-am gandit sa le ajut, si sa le curm suferinta, invatandu-le trucurile secrete de seducere a masculului. Aceste trucuri sunt vechi de mii de ani si au un succes garantat, indiferent de situatie.
Din pacate, nu cunosc aceste trucuri pentru ca ele sunt secrete. In concuzie, o sa va dau niste sfaturi de bun simt.
Ca in orice lucrare la nivel de clasa a VI-a, plecam de la definitie.
bărbát (-ţi), s.m. – 1. Om adult. – 2. Persoană de sex masculin. – 3. Om însurat, bărbat, soţ. 4. (Adj.) Energic, curajos, viguros.
Acum, ca ati aflat ce e ala un barbat, sa mergem mai departe la metodele de agatat.
1.Ca sa agati un barbat oarecare, trebuie sa fii frumoasa si desteapta. Ca sa agati un barbat adevarat, trebuie sa fii superba si geniala. Daca nu esti, poti sa te prefaci.
2. Nu incerca sa-l agati pe Fat Frumos daca tu esti broscuta cea urata! Asta se intampla doar in povesti. You must always know where you are.
3. Stai pe loc! O tinta in miscare e mai greu de ochit.
4. Fixeaza-l cu privirea! Daca nu-ti reuseste, incearca sa folosesti Poxipol. Lasand seriozitatea la o parte, nu trebuie sa te uiti la el prea insistent. Risti sa il sperii si sa plece.
5. Nu folosi texte ieftine!
6. Nu te freca de ei inainte sa-i cunosti! Barbatii sunt ca niste fluturi. Daca le iei polenul de pe aripi, n-or sa mai poata zbura.
7. Nu te machia ca un cur!
8. Nu incerca sa mimezi interesul pentru fotbal, masini, sau orice alte treburi barbatesti! Barbatii il vor percepe ca o intruziune in spatiul lor privat.
9. Spala-te! In afara de pescari, toti barbatii iti vor aprecia gestul.
10. Nu te sinucide! Daca un barbat te refuza, inseamna ca nu te merita. Tu esti mare,tu esti tare, tu poti, tu o sa reusesti, tu ai, tu, tu, tu!
11. Agatatul se invata prin exercitiu. De fiecare data cand ai ocazia, incearca sa agati un barbat.
vineri, 16 mai 2008
love is in the ground
azi la metrou. ma urc in tren. o tipa s-a uitat repede la mine. pe urma a privit in jos. a inceput sa isi linga buzele. m-am apropiat de ea. a urmat un contact vizual de PESTE 10 SECUNDE!!!
asa ceva nu se intampla decat de cateva ori in viata. mie in 21 de ani mi s-a intamplat o singura data. 5 secunde de privit in ochi inseamna o eternitate. 10 secunde inseamna doua eternitati. nici cuplurile cele mai amorezate nu depasesc 4-5 secunde.
prima secunda a fost normala. nimic special.
a doua secunda a fost interesanta.
de la a treia secunda am inceput sa ma simt ciudat.
la a patra secunda mi-am dat seama ca daca cedez primu sunt idiot. probabil asa s-a gandit si ea.
de la secunda a 5-a si pana la sfarsit am simtit un amalgam de sentimente colorate.
ne uitam unu la altu. prada si pradator. nu se stia cine e prada si cine e pradatorul. niciunu nu a vrut sa cedeze. pana la urma s-a dovedit ca am fost doi pradatori.
s-a stabilit o conexiune incredibia. in timpul asta nu stiam ce sa fac. imi veneau in minte tot felul de idei naive: sa fac cu ochiu', sa zambesc, sa fac orice pentru a intrerupe tensiunea.
tipa era cel putin frumusica. 8/10.
in cele din urma a cedat ea. a bagat capul in pamant. eu am inceput sa zambesc cu superioritate.
la prima statie a trebuit sa cobor. daca mai mergeam o statie cred ca ajungeam cel putin la sex salbatic. am ramas blocat. am ajuns la costin georgian si era sa uit ca trebuie sa cobor.
sa fie dragoste la prima vedere? :D
asa ceva nu se intampla decat de cateva ori in viata. mie in 21 de ani mi s-a intamplat o singura data. 5 secunde de privit in ochi inseamna o eternitate. 10 secunde inseamna doua eternitati. nici cuplurile cele mai amorezate nu depasesc 4-5 secunde.
prima secunda a fost normala. nimic special.
a doua secunda a fost interesanta.
de la a treia secunda am inceput sa ma simt ciudat.
la a patra secunda mi-am dat seama ca daca cedez primu sunt idiot. probabil asa s-a gandit si ea.
de la secunda a 5-a si pana la sfarsit am simtit un amalgam de sentimente colorate.
ne uitam unu la altu. prada si pradator. nu se stia cine e prada si cine e pradatorul. niciunu nu a vrut sa cedeze. pana la urma s-a dovedit ca am fost doi pradatori.
s-a stabilit o conexiune incredibia. in timpul asta nu stiam ce sa fac. imi veneau in minte tot felul de idei naive: sa fac cu ochiu', sa zambesc, sa fac orice pentru a intrerupe tensiunea.
tipa era cel putin frumusica. 8/10.
in cele din urma a cedat ea. a bagat capul in pamant. eu am inceput sa zambesc cu superioritate.
la prima statie a trebuit sa cobor. daca mai mergeam o statie cred ca ajungeam cel putin la sex salbatic. am ramas blocat. am ajuns la costin georgian si era sa uit ca trebuie sa cobor.
sa fie dragoste la prima vedere? :D
miercuri, 14 mai 2008
cum sa agati barbati in parc
mergeam eu prin parc si vad patru roacarite minore pe o banca. ascultau niste orăcăilei de melodii la telefon. dupa ce m-am departat cu vreo 10 metri, am auzit o voce din fundu' curtii: " pssst pssssst psssssssst, imi dai si mie id-ul tau". din pacate niciuna nu arata bine. pe urma mi-a parut rau ca nu li l-am dat. poate aveau suflete bune =)))
vineri, 9 mai 2008
blog de printesa
credeati ca nu exista printese de pe hi5 care au blog? naivilor!
pff o zi de tot cacatu si ieri si azi, mai mult ce as putea sa spun... sa incepem cu ce sa intamplat ieri. Ajung la scoala, in tranvai aglomeratie stare naspa frigutz afara eu destul de despuiata :-ss bbrrr....la scoala abureala maxima si foarte multa galagie ( din cauza k ne renoveaza liceu ) acum s-au gasit chiar knd mai e o luna de scoala sa ne faca si ei liceu... si taman acum cand termin eu clasa a 12a. Am stat 2 ore degeaba, profii nu au venit X( daca stiam mai dormeam si eu mai mult ~x( stau afara pe banci fumez... mi se termina tigarile plina de nervi si fara bani incep sa caut tigari, nimeni numai avea, nervii ne cuprind pe toti :)) ne hotaram k ultima ora sa stam afara ( adica ora de romana ) pe banci desi nu aveam tigari, era placut afara, face doamna prezenta noi la geam urlam k eram prezenti dar stateam la o gura de aer :P. Ne asezam din nou pe banci, tot nu am facut rost de tigari :( ... ma rog de un prieten sa vina sa ma duca si pe mine cu masina pana la victoriei unde aveam programare la unghii. Vine prietenul nostru cu masina si cu tigari :X noi toti gramada pe el :X aline te iubim :X .. ma duce asta la victoriei .. acolo alti nervi k eu aveam programare dar a bagato pe alta in locu meu .. nu pot sa cred in ce tara traim ..plm dupa aia nervi si iar nervi m'am enervat ca sa uitat una care nu o inghit la mine dar m'am abtinutam eroic... am fost la meditatii, imi era somn ma durea capu ... am venit acasa... am mancat ... am iesit afara .... plm restu zic mai tarziu ca acum mie lene am scris prea mult
miercuri, 27 februarie 2008
luni, 11 februarie 2008
In atentia fanelor mele!
Din aceasta clipa puteti incepe sa-mi trimiteti scrisori de Valentine's Day. Stiu ca ma iubiti, si tocmai de aceea v-as ruga sa nu scrieti foarte mult. Primesc o gramada de scrisori de la admiratoare din toata tara, si nu am timp sa le citesc pe toate. Scrisorile care ma impresioneaza vor fi publicate pe blog, si premiate corespunzator.
Premiul I - o guma de mestecat, care, desi nu mai e dulce, pastreaza urme din saliva mea. este ideala pentru fetele care n-au apucat inca sa guste din mine.
Premiul II - o statuie care ma infatiseaza, numai buna de pus in altarul care-mi este dedicat.
Premiul III - o atingere timp de o secunda. toate ma vad. multe ma doresc. putine ma ating.
Puteti trimite mai multe scrisori pentru a va spori sansele de castig.
Premiul I - o guma de mestecat, care, desi nu mai e dulce, pastreaza urme din saliva mea. este ideala pentru fetele care n-au apucat inca sa guste din mine.
Premiul II - o statuie care ma infatiseaza, numai buna de pus in altarul care-mi este dedicat.
Premiul III - o atingere timp de o secunda. toate ma vad. multe ma doresc. putine ma ating.
Puteti trimite mai multe scrisori pentru a va spori sansele de castig.
joi, 7 februarie 2008
luni, 21 ianuarie 2008
luni, 7 ianuarie 2008
Michael Nyman - The Promise
melodie sublima pentru toate tipurile de par. tipele de la 2:38 - 2:40 parca sunt pesti in apa.
duminică, 23 decembrie 2007
how to
Am gasit un ghid care te invata in 25 de pasi cum sa te porti cu fetele.
1. When she asks how she looks, shrug and say "could be better" this will keep her on her toes, and girls love that.
2. Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness (or if she grabs your hand squeeze hers really, really hard until she cries. This will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are.)
3. Once a month sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. Girls are like dogs. They love to be roughed up.
4. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping. If she is, say "you better be" , repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. This will show her you care.
5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault. This will pave the way for her own personal improvement, and every girl needs some improvement.
6. Recognize the small things, they usually mean the most. Then when she's sleeping, steal all her small things and break them. Because jewellery is for p*ssy's and Asian ladies.
7. If you're talking to another girl, make sure she's looking. When she is, stare into her eyes mouth the words f**k you and grab the other girls @rse. Girls love competition.
8. Tell her you're taking her out to dinner. Drive for miles so she thinks it's going to be really special. Then take her to a burning tire yard. When she starts to get upset tell her you were just kidding and now you're really going to take her to dinner. Then drive her home. When she starts crying and asks why you would do something like that lean over and whisper very quietly into her ear "...because I can."
9. Introduce her to your friends as "some chick". Women love those special nicknames.
10. Play with her hair. Play with it HARD.
11. Warm her up when she's cold...and not by giving her your jacket... then you might get cold. Rather, look her in the eye and say "if you don't stop b*tching about the cold right now you're going to be b*tching about a black eye." The best way to get warm is with fear.
12. Take her to a party. When you get there she'll have to go to the bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the party's dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you at the party.
13. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she has a small pet. Kick the pet. I always find stuff like that funny. Why shouldn't girls?
14. Let her fall asleep in your arms. When she's fast asleep, wait 10 minutes then JUMP UP AND SCREAM IN HER EAR! Repeat until she goes home and you can use your arms for more important things. Like basketball.
15. Spit often. I hear girls like guys that spit.
16. If you care about her never ever tell her. This will only give her self confidence. Then you can never turn her into the object she deep down desires to be.
17. Every time you're in her house steal one of the following: shoes, earrings, or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the pair. This way she'll go crazy.
18. Take her out to dinner. Right when she's about to order interrupt and say "No she's not hungry". Make her watch you eat. Girls love a guy that speaks for her.
19. Look her in the eyes and smile. Then clock her one. Girls love a spontaneous guy.
20. Give her one of your t-shirts... and make sure it has your smell on it. But not a sexy cologne smell. A bad smell. You know what I'm talking about.
22. If you're listening to music, and she asks to hear it, tell her no. This way she'll think you're mysterious.
23. Remember her birthday but don't get her something. Teach her material objects aren't important. The only thing that's important is that she keeps you happy. And your happiness is the greatest present she can ever get.
24. When she gives you a present on your birthday, Christmas, or just whenever, take it and tell her you love it. Then next time you know she's coming over on a trash day leave the trash can open and have the present visibly sticking out of the can. Girls actually don't like this one that much but I think it's funny.
25. If she's mad at you for not calling her when you say you will, promise her that you will call her at a certain time of the day. This will make sure that she waits by the phone. Tell her when you call you're going to tell her a special surprise. Now she'll be really excited. Now don't call. That's also quite funny
1. When she asks how she looks, shrug and say "could be better" this will keep her on her toes, and girls love that.
2. Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness (or if she grabs your hand squeeze hers really, really hard until she cries. This will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are.)
3. Once a month sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. Girls are like dogs. They love to be roughed up.
4. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping. If she is, say "you better be" , repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. This will show her you care.
5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault. This will pave the way for her own personal improvement, and every girl needs some improvement.
6. Recognize the small things, they usually mean the most. Then when she's sleeping, steal all her small things and break them. Because jewellery is for p*ssy's and Asian ladies.
7. If you're talking to another girl, make sure she's looking. When she is, stare into her eyes mouth the words f**k you and grab the other girls @rse. Girls love competition.
8. Tell her you're taking her out to dinner. Drive for miles so she thinks it's going to be really special. Then take her to a burning tire yard. When she starts to get upset tell her you were just kidding and now you're really going to take her to dinner. Then drive her home. When she starts crying and asks why you would do something like that lean over and whisper very quietly into her ear "...because I can."
9. Introduce her to your friends as "some chick". Women love those special nicknames.
10. Play with her hair. Play with it HARD.
11. Warm her up when she's cold...and not by giving her your jacket... then you might get cold. Rather, look her in the eye and say "if you don't stop b*tching about the cold right now you're going to be b*tching about a black eye." The best way to get warm is with fear.
12. Take her to a party. When you get there she'll have to go to the bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the party's dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you at the party.
13. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she has a small pet. Kick the pet. I always find stuff like that funny. Why shouldn't girls?
14. Let her fall asleep in your arms. When she's fast asleep, wait 10 minutes then JUMP UP AND SCREAM IN HER EAR! Repeat until she goes home and you can use your arms for more important things. Like basketball.
15. Spit often. I hear girls like guys that spit.
16. If you care about her never ever tell her. This will only give her self confidence. Then you can never turn her into the object she deep down desires to be.
17. Every time you're in her house steal one of the following: shoes, earrings, or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the pair. This way she'll go crazy.
18. Take her out to dinner. Right when she's about to order interrupt and say "No she's not hungry". Make her watch you eat. Girls love a guy that speaks for her.
19. Look her in the eyes and smile. Then clock her one. Girls love a spontaneous guy.
20. Give her one of your t-shirts... and make sure it has your smell on it. But not a sexy cologne smell. A bad smell. You know what I'm talking about.
22. If you're listening to music, and she asks to hear it, tell her no. This way she'll think you're mysterious.
23. Remember her birthday but don't get her something. Teach her material objects aren't important. The only thing that's important is that she keeps you happy. And your happiness is the greatest present she can ever get.
24. When she gives you a present on your birthday, Christmas, or just whenever, take it and tell her you love it. Then next time you know she's coming over on a trash day leave the trash can open and have the present visibly sticking out of the can. Girls actually don't like this one that much but I think it's funny.
25. If she's mad at you for not calling her when you say you will, promise her that you will call her at a certain time of the day. This will make sure that she waits by the phone. Tell her when you call you're going to tell her a special surprise. Now she'll be really excited. Now don't call. That's also quite funny
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